Score: 10

"God Damn It!"

submission: Alkie Kong 2

date: May 9, 2009

"God damn it" those are the words that will be stuck in your mind after you're done gone insane after failing for the 1000th consecutive time. This game is incredibly hard, and you will have to invest a lot of time if you ever consider on finishing it on Brutal mode.

The controller response is top notch, meaning that if you can't beat the game, you can't blame it on bad programming, but rather on your lack of skill... and the incredible difficulty of it all.

There are a total of 15 levels, which will test your skills from the very basics to the extreme, well timed jumps, catlike reflexes and sixth sense developing to obtain victory.

Here's a breakdown of each level:

Level 1: Not much to show here, level 1 is pretty basic, you can't get hit by any enemies unless you somehow get on their way. If you have a hard time with this level don't even bother continuing.

Level 2: Another pretty basic level.

Level 3: First boss: Alkie Kong!. Make your way up the ladder and jump over the moltie. Grab the boxes and start throwing them at Alkie. Three hits is all Alkie need to surrender (for now...).

Level 4: A moderate level at last, this is where most people will fail miserably a few times, try to take a few bats out before they take you out if you're agile enough.

Level 5: A major endurance level. Most people quit after playing this level because they simply don't know how to get the key guarded by molties... Use the FAQ provided in the author's comments if you need help on this one.

Level 6: Second boss fight, and this one is pretty tough for the typical newb, heck, I find myself still dying on it about half the time due to missteps.

Level 7: A pretty easy level, the only hard part is the jump between the two molties, which will be your worst nightmare the first couple of times of playing.

Level 8: Another easy level, there is a shortcut you can use after you get the key.

Level 9: Third boss, and this one is pretty fucking hard, EVERYONE has had trouble with this level, it's totally acceptable if you can't do it on your first 100 attempts, just keep trying, seriously, it took me a while to figure out.

Level 10: This level may seem intimidating at first, but it's actually quite simple. The game is generous enough to give you enough space between molties to plan your next move.

Level 11: The most important part of this level is to use the valves, or else you're going to have to take unnecessary damage for it.

Level 12: Fourth Boss battle, this level is different from every other, this time randomness will most likely kick you straight in the balls, there is no way to tell which side Alkie is going to throw the next barrel at.

Level 13: Once you know how everything works you can take advantage molties and bats predictability.

Level 14: Hardest level, after 15. Only tip I can give you is to use stairs as protection, and try to time your jumps to avoid damage.

Level 15: Last level, which obviously means the last time you will have to face the ever feared Alkie Kong, this level, like level 12 is pretty random, you can't really predict where the hands will go, so if you're lucky they will stay as far of the head as possible.

If anyone needs additional help, be sure to check my userpage for a video walkthrough for brutal mode!

There are 3 different difficulties: Easy, Normal, and Brutal. The first two are pretty much the same but with less lives and continues (6 and 3 respectively). Brutal on the other hand only gives you one life and on top of that, it makes enemies faster and bats more abundant!

Fortunately, this game allows you to use passwords to resume your game in case you lose, this is pretty useful if you ever want to explore a level you're having trouble with. Unfortunately, you can't get the harder medals by using the password system.

All in all this is a great game, with great music, if you ever want to get Drunken Deity it's going to cost you hour and hours of training just to get everything right! That achievement is so hard only a handful of people have gotten it including myself!

5/5

-wismty-

Score: 2

"The game I love to hate..."

submission: Fear Unlimited Issue2

date: May 9, 2009

First of all, I'd like to state that this game could've had potential to become one of the greatest in Newgrounds, unfortunately, for us, the gamers, it was either released too soon, or not tested throughly for bugs... or not even tested at all! That being said, this game did not deserved medals, ever.

The game starts with nice, cool music, which builds up excitement and momentum... It's a shame that the same can not be said for the game play. Let me emphasize:

Right of the bat this game throws glitches at you like mad. You can't even complete the freakin' training mission without randomly going out the screen, not to mention that some of those combos are impossible to do, and on top of that, you don't even need to learn them because you don't really use them at all, all you need to do is press the attack button constantly for all enemies and that's basically it, that's the whole strategy to this game, mashing a button... Levitating while attacking is a nice addition, oh wait that's just another glitch.

So once you're out of the training mode, you get to choose your difficulty for level 1, it makes no difference what difficulty you choose, they're all incredibly hard for first timers, even on easy, and on top of that, the glitches aren't in your favor. Anyway, once you do that you're greeted by pseudo comic drawings which is supposedly the storyline whatever.

Once you get to your first enemy, it will take at least 1 minute to beat him, this is in no way an exaggeration, why in fucks name do enemies have to have such a big life bar, and it only gets worse if you choose another difficulty, for instance, if you choose the hardest setting, you can change that minute for 3 minutes PER enemy, some fun, huh? There are also other type of enemies, such as those guys with explosive hunchbacks, they're not bad, but the guys with blades for hands will make your playing experience a painful one (even more than it already is). Once you beat this crap you're greeted by a ranking system, how thoughtful!

Every two levels you get to fight bosses, the boss in level 2 is quite a challenge for beginners, level 6 boss is actually fun to play against, that's about the only thing worth playing about this game. But level 4 boss... God forbid you play this level looking for a fun fight, instead, this level will drive you insane, it takes at least 30 MINUTES to kill this beast (providing you used the fastest strategy to kill him), on the EASIEST setting without any upgrades, and may even take over an hour to kill him on the hardest difficulty without any upgrades...

Boss fights are not exempt from glitches, and they like to show it by freezing the game if you happen to defeat the boss in the left corner of the room, but level four boss takes it up a step and just freezes whenever it feels like it, and it freezes more often than not... I've been a victim of this shit, as have others, this game's glitches do not discriminate! So in conclusion, taking an hour to beat the most boring boss ever only to find that the game is frozen game is NOT FUN!

There are a variety of weapons you can use which vary from guns to swords, there is also a store to upgrade your weapons or status, but the prices are absurd. Why, upgrading your health bar to the max costs at least 106,000! considering each enemy gives you about 50 points, it's going to take a shitload of time to obtain.

Normally, I wouldn't play this atrocity more than once, but because it had medals, and I'm a medal whore, I HAD too. And I did beat it a couple of times and obtained all of the obtainable medals ( yes, even some of the medals were glitched), I shit you not, I spent over 2 days or more of game time trying to beat this shit only to find, a month later that the author removed them because he was to lazy to change three lines of code to fixed the damned thing.

This is, is a literal kick in the balls for me and my fellow stat whore comrades who had to withstand this horrid piece of garbage.

Please, test your games before releasing them to the public.

This deserves a 1/5.

-wismty-

Score: 9

"Classical Goodness."

submission: Bubble Trouble

date: June 11, 2007

Adictive as hell, I love arcade games... even more when when they're free; YOU SAVED MY QUARTERS!! :D.

How many levels are there? I can only reach level 13 before it gets almost impossibly hard to accomplish.

I do have a complain about this awesome game though: Why in God's name is there no Pause button!? It's really irritating when you're into the game and someone PMs you and and makes another window appear on top of the game... :( also I think it would be great if there was a break in between levels, holding your pee isn't good for you, ya know? :P

More weapons/power ups would be nice too... rocket launcher anyone :D?

Now onto the game ratings:

Graphics: I'm one of the few people that think graphics are not important in games against the fun factor, but this game does have some nice backgrounds, so good for you. (8)

Style: Yes. Arcade gaming = Win! (8)

Sound: Maybe it's my speakers but the volume sounds a bit distortioned :( (3)

Violence: This game is as violent as a bar of soap... FULL OF BUBBLES!!!!!!111.. K (2)

Intercativity: Well you control pretty much everything, it would be nice if you could climb walls and jump onto plataforms, but it's still cool this way. (8)

Humor: Maybe it's just me, but after the 24th straight hour of playing and failing this devilish addicting game, I began to laugh hysterically, THIS GAME DRIVES ME CRAZY!! (8)

Overall: Great game, there's quite a bit of room for improvement, but yet the essence of original game is there, so it's cool (9)

/me goes back to play some more.

Great Job. Keep it up. ;)

5/5

-wismty-

Score: 5

"Not bad for a first."

submission: Luigi VS. MasterHand

date: January 21, 2007

It wasn't bad at all for a first try at sprites. The fighting was rather slow, faster action is always better.

Luigi losing was an unexpected touch. Nice.

3/5 Keep it up, I expect to see more from you in the future.

wismty.

Btw, I have your replay button... :D

Score: 9

"A Most Excellent Calculating Instrument!"

submission: The NG e-Penis Calculator

date: March 12, 2006

Cool, I was getting tired of doing all those calculations manually, this calculator will be a great tool to messure my e-Penis faster!

Tricky the clown was a nice touch, oh! how I miss that clown's penis, I just can't get enough of it nowadays :P

On a side note, my e-penis size (according to Mr. Power's formula) is 8.072 inches (20.502 cm), not too bad if I do say so myself, I probably have a bigger e-penis than 99.9% of the NG population.

The other one (Cap' Crisp's) meassured my e-penis at an outstanding 47399 inches (120393.46 cm)!!!! omglolwtfbbq!

Anyway, this is definitely going to my fave flash list, you know, not because I'm an e-penis pervert or anything (makes shifty eyes) but because I just happen to like the flash (Yeah that's it!).

The PID thing was an excellent option, since it's just too much of a hustle entering each stat field manually, which usually took a lot of time. Now my only trouble will be remembering my profile ID, which isn't too hard 408998 :).

Sorry for giving this excellent tool an undeserving "9", but I just thought that the abilty of seeing my total number of BBS bans would've been an outstanding addition, I guess I was expecting a bit too much. heh?

However there isn't a lot I can say about the calculator itself, except that I hope it will gain an award and hopefully it will end up in the "Gadgets Collection" along with the NG Calculator.

Well that's all he wrote folks. No more to say than keep up the extraordinary job, Denvish!

Two Thumbs Up

5/5

-wismty-

Score: 10

"WOW!!!"

submission: God Warriors

date: November 28, 2005

He quedado totalmente impresionado, Rigo, me gusto el parecido con los caballeros del zodiaco.

Graficos: Para haberlos hecho a mano, son excelentes!, eres todo un profesional, en serio :).

Sonido: la musica de fondo de caballeros del zodiaco me gusto mucho, pues siempre he sido un gran fan de la caricatura :), Las voces... cual es tuya? Alguna de esas es de Ozcar? (creo que vi en los creditos que ozcar ayudo?). Por cierto, todas son muy buenas y se oyen excellentes; fuertes y claras.

Violencia: Aunque realmente no hubo una pelea en si (osea que no hubo escenas en donde los caballeros se golpean fisicamente), pero lo recompensaste con los ataques especiales.

Interactividad: Me gusto mucho el hecho de que tiene un seleccionador de escenas, pero es todo lo que tiene de interactivo.

Humor: No lo hay, pero pues es rara la vez en que lo hay en la caricatura original, no?

Overall: Quede totalmente paralizado de lo bueno que estuvo, realmente no puedo esperar para ver el proximo capitulo de god warriors. Espero que te den un reconosimiento por esta obra de arte, un front pageazo al menos :).

Sin mas que decir por ahora, te deseo mucha suerte, buen trabajo, Rigo.

5/5

-wismty-

Score: 5

"Even though checkers is my hobby game..."

submission: Masters Checkers

date: October 29, 2005

Well, I must admit checkers is my favorite game of all time, but to be frank, this game has dissapointed me... The computer's intelligence just sucked, there isn't any challenge in that!, there were even times when it would just let me beat it without putting any resistance at all!.

Maybe it would be better if you added an option to change the difficulty. That would make it a lot better, or you can also add more options, overall, like changing sides, or undoing moves, sounds, checking computer's last move, maybe even add an easter egg (such a special animation or whatever) for those who beat the game, ect... use your imagination man!

One thing I didn't like was that once you click the checker to make a move, you can't undo it, so it forces you to make that move.

Also, even though it only happened once, the computer just let me win without even finishing the game, I mean, there were still checkers on the board!... you should really fix that, lol.

Alas, I'm sure you worked hard on this game, and my only other suggestion would be, to keep it up, and try to becoming better at flash... heh.

And since I'm really, really a fan of checkers, I'm giving you a 3/5.

-wismty-

Score: 9

"Haha! :)"

submission: deleteDF30

date: October 8, 2005

Now this is what I call humor! =)

Graphics: were good as well.

Sound: Very good too, which is a big factor in the funnyness ;)

Oh, and I found your subliminal message:

"Ziggy booofy monkey poo~!:!) :A the aith eakit I hate alskm oother kill her lalkjthe :)
If you're reading dis i will come to ur howse and ckill joo and joo wil dy! an i will laf! tiee hee haww! smiley."

I wonder what that means lol

All in all, a excellent flash, it was funny enough to be added into my favorites. Good work sir!

4/5

Score: 8

"Pretty good, didn't expect it at all!"

submission: Negative 001 - The Call

date: August 31, 2005

Short my ass, a flash can be an hour long and still be shit, this flash is awesome, you definetly deserve a spot on the top 50, and the daily first of course.

Enough ass kissing to you, on to the actual flash...

The graphics were superb, from start to finish, I really like this type of shorts, and I'm glad how this one turned up, I'm looking forward to see more of it, and maybe even more flash from you, I have yet to view all of your current ones, but from the looks from the ones I've already seen, your skills have been greatly improoving over the time. :)

The story was interesting, I wonder what will happen next, please don't take too long to bring us the sequel :P

I couldn't hear the character's voices that well, but it may be my crappy speakers, maybe it would make it easier to understand if you add subtitles to this one, and to the next ones as well.

A little background info would be cool too, I don't really know what goes on, apart from the blatant obvious... Maybe you could give us a little more info about that comic. Just a thought.

Overall, can't think of anymore to say, except for... Keep up the good job!

5/5
wismty-

Score: 9

"Exellent game."

submission: Dad 'n Me

date: July 30, 2005

This is arguably one of the best games I have ever played, the combo system was just amazing, but I would had like that there were more enemies that attack back, there were only a handful (the first bully, the kid with the helmet the guys playing soccer (but they only attack you if you have the ball [great touch!], the kid with the dart gun, the guys that were in a tractor [but they were harmless after their tractors was destroyed] the ninjas and the final boss), and it would've been even better if the enemies were harder, although I have to admit that it took me quite a few tries just to beat this game :)

The only down side is that it was too short, but hey, what can you expect!, I've seen a few of the review and most people are complaining about how this game doesn't have a saving system... This game doesn't need one lol, if you can't beat it just keep trying you'll find out that it's not that hard ;)

I did find a combo that kills every time (it might not kill bosses but it will take a huge chunck out of their lifes)

The comobo consist on giving three normal punches then one hard punch, if done correctly the enemy will be sent upward, press hard punch once again and you will use you feet to launch him even higher, when he come back use normal punch and hard punch together to send him even higher, this will give you enough time to step back and then run forward press hard punch, and then press it again repeatedly to perform the helicopter move (by the time you use this the enemy will most likely be dead), once you land you can do another helicopter move, but that's just to get more hits in the combo.

I did find one glitch though.

The paralyzing death!

This can happen when you do the following:

When you defeat the first kid (Marcus) walk until you see the kid on the horse (just don't get too close or the animation of Wilburg beating the shit out of knox will play), run and do a strong punch (S) and then press it again, you will do the jumping while punching move, if done correctly you will hit Wilburg and he will leave knox alone (he's going to die anyway) and you will be paralyzed, and Wilburg will beat you to death.

I still haven't tryed it yet with the last boss, but I'm sure the result can be the same, as you won't let the intro for the boss end properly

In all seriousness I really do hope this becomes into a console game, it will do pretty well, I assure you, but you already know that.

All in all, this game has enough to keep you comming for more and more and more, even if you have finished it... I enjoyed every moment of it.

I'd keep going but the character limit is killing me :o

Thanks

5/5
wismty-